He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
