I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
