Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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