Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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