i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
