im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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