and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
