We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
