I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
