Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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