I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
