That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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