I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
