Who did Billy Mays play for?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You are a genius and a whore.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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