Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
