you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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