I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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