It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
