You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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