Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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