The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
