yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
