My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize