i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
