OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
