Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
