i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
