I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
