not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
