We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
