i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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