How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
