I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
