The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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