I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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