Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
