I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
