Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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