I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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