Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
