How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
