go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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