It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize