I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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