that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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