Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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