i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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