I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
