Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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