I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
