As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
