The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
