Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
