im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
