dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
