You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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