Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
