I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
