Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
