best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
