I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
