after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
