we have pet lesbian snakes
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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