this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
