apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
