I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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