Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
