i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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