We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
