oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
