Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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