I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
