please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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