Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
