The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I think I died a long time ago.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
