Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
