and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize