I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
