Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
